When Josh turned 21 he took the hand-me-down Nissan Pulsar, inherited three years earlier from his elder sister, down to the local strip of bunting-festooned used car dealers seeking a trade-in. Despite having “flogged the guts out of it” from the very day he got his hands on the keys, Josh was adamant the improvements he had made to the vehicle — the admittedly cheap external tachometer and speedometer set, the sports steering wheel and the forty-inch Speed Hunters decal stuck across the front windscreen — would definitely put him in a good financial position at the car-yard. In particular, he had his heart set on a Subaru Impreza, any model, he wasn’t fussy. He had grand designs that included new (second-hand) low profile tyres and a “Jet Pilot” sticker.
Bernie Brayshaw was a mortgage broker in a past life and was now nudging twenty-years in the used car gig. The questionable yet lucrative lending practices he had once employed at a less than reputable local finance company — which had all come to a very abrupt halt when ASIC and then a Royal Commission started nosing around — were just as effective when it came to selling autos to suckers. And a sucker is exactly what Bernie saw when he spied Josh pulling up in the shit-heap Pulsar.
An hour and five-thousand dollars over his budget later, Josh had signed on the dotted line and treated himself to a “real missile,” a 2005 Volkswagen Golf. And Bernie finally found himself rid of the head-gasket waiting to happen with 450-thousand-odd kilometres on the dial.
As well as the low-profile tyres and the “Jet Pilot” sticker, Josh now has custom rego plates and feels that he visits the local strip of automotive mechanics (just down the road from the bunting-festooned used car dealers) a “fairly normal amount of times” to have mechanics work done on his failing vehicle. Josh also believes that the two or sometimes even three minutes he saves by driving at or above the speed-limit taking short-cuts and rat runs through residential suburbs during his morning commute means he is a far more intelligent person than most of the people he knows.
Bernie Brayshaw died from a massive cardiac arrest whilst struggling to light a cigarette on the steps of the local Family Law Courts after a hearing in what had been, until that moment, long and drawn-out child support proceedings.
Newstead Brewing Co. & Kaiju Beer Butterfly Effect Double IPA